Some think that Aliens build the pyramids, because, otherwise, the Egyptians would’ve needed technology far ahead of their times.
But I’m a writer. I think Egyptians were just smarter than us. They invented paper and ink, the calendar, and medicines. We, on the other hand, have invented writing with two fingers on smartphones, inane TikTok challenges, and Covid. They had a great irrigation system. We have too much lead in our brains.
Female monkeys fake their orgasm. Actually, they don’t fake it, the same as women, they just emit a rhythmic sound to help the male focus and reach his orgasm. In the loudness of the jungle, this is essential for mating. I don’t know why people care if this is fake or real. I’m a writer. I think that if you’re alive and have a mouth, you should always express yourself as loud as possible.
The first vegan I met told me that we, humans, are the only species that drink milk after growing up. But, with that logic, we are also the only animals to cook their food, so good luck eating raw potatoes.
I am a writer. I once talked to a carrot and it told me: Am I not a living being? If you cut me, do I not bleed, if you smother me, do I not suffocate, if you deny me nutrients, do I not hunger, if you uproot me, do I not miss my land? You barbarians. You steal my babies, boil them still alive in oil, throw salt into their wounds, add ketchup to remind you of the bloodshed and then you eat them, drunk after partying.
Some people would like to have more time in their hands and they fight relentlessly against the pass of time. But I’m a writer. I know I’m already a slain warrior. As Krishna, the supreme Hindu god, said: I am time, the destroyer of all. I’ve come to consume the world, which you are so eager to take over. Enjoy the vainglory of your victories, though you’re just an instrument of my slaughter.