A story for children who still haven’t learned to take care of the environment.
Jeremy was a good kid, but he always forgot to turn the lights off.
One day, the green fairy appeared to him and said: I’m the green fairy.
Jeremy said: But you aren’t green at all. Look at your wings, they’re… pinkish I guess, and your dress is…. colorless, same as your face and legs.
You don’t say colorless, stupid kid! You say white! White dress and white skin.
Ahh, you’re a white supremacist fairy, then.
Motherfucker! So, you know “white supremacist”, but you don’t know “green”? Green like in Green fucking Peace?
You’re quite badmouthed for a fairy. Are you sure you aren’t an elf?
Hey kid, cut it out. My mother was a fairy, her mother and her mother were fairies…I’m full blood fairy.
Yep, sounds like a white supremacist elf to me.
And the fairy
she gave wings
to young Jerry.
Now you can’t switch on lights anymore, she said. Serves you as a lesson for offending fairies. And she left, slamming the door behind her and turning all the lights off on her way out.
Jerry remained dumbfounded for a few minutes, but then his bladder felt full, so he flew to the bathroom, turning all the lights on with the tip of his nose. Then he went back to his room, of course forgetting to turn them back off.
The second time, green fairy put a green bonnet on, just to avoid superfluous misunderstanding.
“I’m the green fairy,” she said, to a chubby kid eating a chocolate chip cookie. The kid immediately hid the cookie under the pillow, but still had crumbs on his lips, when he said: “That makes sense: green hat, green fairy.”
The fairy took a deep breath and decided to let the remark pass. “You know why I’m here?” she said.
“I took just one bite. Won’t do it again” he said and started crying.
“Hey kid, cut it out. I don’t care how many cookies you shove up your mouth. What’s that?” She said, pointing at the window.
“It’s a window,” he answered, confidently, but then, seeing her reaction, he uttered hesitantly: “It’s the night? The moon? The tree?” and he started crying again.
And the fairy,
wise and culinary,
made appear a doughnut
as a solution, though temporary.
“Eat it and shut up!” she said, and the kid didn’t need to be asked twice. Now quiet and happy, his attention became fully focused on the fairy.
“You were right from the beginning. I meant the window,” she said. “But why is it open?”
“To have fresh air,” he said.
“Fresh air!” she lost it. “You clog your arteries with fat and sugar, but care about fresh air!? We’re in mid-winter and the heating is full blast, you, fat blob.” And thus saying, she walled the window with her fairy powder.
The kid, undeterred, continued eating his doughnut, but also started feeling a fizzy sensation in his lower body. With utmost decorum, he lifted his left buttock and let a fart roar across the room.
Tried to escape the fairy
from that room, not very airy
but, her magic to no avail,
she ended in the obituary.